What Now?
by Mika2345
Summary: A Sharmen Story. Enjoy. My first one so let me know what you think. Chapter 7 up! R&R Finally..
1. Chapter 1

K. I only tried this out because I was bored one evening. Im working on a chapter two, but I hardly have any time due to exams, so it will take a while.. but yeah, let me know what you think. Dont know how long I'll make this, but hopefully you'll enjoy it.

Rated M just in case.

Btw, This is totally disregarding seasons 4 and 5.

Also thanks to missxflawless for beta reading this chapter. :-)

**Di****sclaimer: I own nothing. Booo. The original L Word characters are the property of Showtime and Ilene Chaiken.**

* * *

The sun had just peered through the curtains and Shane let out another sigh. She was still, her tired eyes staring at the ceiling as she lay on the couch in her usual attire of a worn shirt and fashionably ripped jeans.

There was no real reason for Shane to sleep on the couch; there was a perfectly good bed in the next room, but, the only place she _could_ sleep was the couch.

Her bed, _their _bed didn't feel as comfortable as it used to. The mattress was the same and it still had the satisfactory amount of feather pillows. But, the one thing that was different, and possibly the most important difference, was the fact that half of the bed was no longer occupied by that particular woman. There was no chocolate skinned beauty for her to hold through the night, just feather pillows.

Shane figured she could try replacing that spot each night with the women she picked up who came running towards her in herds at bars, clubs or even the grocery stores. But even after an hour or two of worthless fun in _their_ bed, she felt nothing but guilt and would find her self crawling back to her couch before the slanted clock on the wall even read 2am.

The bedroom door creaked open and for a minute Shane visualized the dark haired beauty that she once knew, and for just a second she even saw that pearly smile that always made her heart thump that extra bit harder. But, a second goes by fast, too fast. Her mirage soon faded and her eyes focused onto the tall blonde who was leaning against the doorframe.

"Shane?" she had a sweet voice, but to Shane, sweet was nothing, compared to _her _voice.

The blonde's thin eyebrows creased as she failed to get any response.

"Okay… I've gotta go to work. So, call me sometime okay, if you want? I mean if you're not busy?" the blonde tried to act casual, but failed miserably.

"Yeah, sure Paula" Shane wasn't a naturally rude person by any means, but hell, did it make a difference? No. She wasn't out to impress anybody; she didn't want to impress anybody, not anymore.

"Its Paige." the blonde spat out as she violently pulled her jumper over her head

Shane's face remained emotionless as she sat up and shrugged,

"Mhmm… Potato, patato…Whatever**.**"

And that was that, another measly attempt to forget _her_ out the door with a loud SLAM.

Shane pulled out a pre-rolled cigarette, shut her eyes and began to fill the room with her dejection in the form of grey smoke. She groaned as the mould of her phone in her jeans pocket started to vibrate. She cleared her throat as she flipped up the cellular.

"What's up**,** Al?"

"Jeez. Is it possible to sound that depressed this early in the morning?"

Shane showed off her trademark smirk as she blew out the last of her cigarette. Alice never approved of what she did in Canada, but she understood why she did it. Shame she was only the minority.

"Apparently**.**"

"Whatever**,** yoda… Anyway, I know you have nothing better to do today, so I was wondering if you want to get out of that cramped box of yours and go hang out today"

"Hey. I happen to love my box… I don't feel like going out Al, Planet's closed today, so there's nothing to do"

"Really? I'm sure you of all people would find something to _do__**.**_" Alice's contagious laugh echoed through the receiver.

"Fuck off**.**"

"Oh come on! Lighten up. Anyway, I'm sure being on TV is better than your beloved couch…"

"On TV? What are you talking about?"

"Talking about being on fucking ELLEN man!"

"You got on the Ellen D show?"

"Fuck yeah baby. And YOU are invited. I know, I know, you can thank me later."

Shane hesitated for a second, she was excited for Alice and all…but on TV? The thought scared her shitless, being watched by millions of people you don't know, and worse being watched by people you DO know. And the questions. Well, she didn't do questions.

"I don't know Al…"

"Seriously? It's fucking Ellen Degeneres and you don't know?"

"No, I mean, I'm happy for you Al really, but I don't know, I'll probably just end up cramping your style or something**.**"

"You kidding me? I can't go on an interview about the Chart and not have you there. Do you know how many times you've crashed the server? And anyway, I want to take you, it'll do you good. I'm worried about you."

"Yeah I know you are… Alright fine. But you'll owe me…"

"Hell yeah! Yoda's back in town! Great! Okay, I'll be there at 10!"

Shane did a double-take at the clock. 9:45

"Wait. Wha-?"

The dial tone cut her off.

"Fuck"

Shane slammed her phone together and scratched her head. How the fuck was she going to find something that didn't smell 'dead' and clean herself up for TV in fifteen minutes. She walked into the bedroom and stood in front of the mirror analysing herself, noting every detail that had changed in the past year, and everything that hadn't.

Her dark brown hair definitely needed a trim. Her eyes were still the same hypnotising hazel colour that varied from green to brown in different lights. The only real difference was that they were never smiling anymore.

She looked at the alarm clock on her bedside.

"Shit." 9:51

Shane opted for the casual look, in other words, the usual look. Her black boot-cut jeans looked worn, but fitted nicely. She decided on a white long-sleeve shirt then slipped on a green shirt over the top. She had just finished tying up the laces of her converse when the front door opened.

"Sha-anee?"

Alice opened the bedroom door and laughing quietly to herself.

"What?" A sudden wave of paranoia hit her, but she realised what was so amusing when she looked at what Alice was wearing.

Alice stood there in her red pumps, a classy white floral dress and very retro red earrings.

"I'm underdressed… you want me to change?" Shane didn't know what else she could wear to look a bit more formal. A jacket? A white button shirt? Maybe a tie.

Alice smiled and interrupted her track of thoughts,

"Oh no, don't worry. You look cool, it's just, I don't know, you're looking very **'**Shane**'** today**.**"

"Huh?"

"Never mind! Lets just go, Ellen DE-FUCKING-GENERES is waiting!"

Alice grabbed Shane's hand, and within 10 seconds she was already revving the engine of her shiny blue mini.

* * *

_**AN: **K. I'm getting more hits than I am reviews.. lol. Pleease review? Let me know what you think. :))_


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN:**__ Didn't think I'd finish this part soon. But it's a lot shorter than I planned, so I thought I might as well put it up :-) _

_R&R :-D_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Booo. The original L Word characters are the property of Showtime and Ilene Chaiken.**

* * *

As soon as they had arrived at the studio they were ambushed by a swarm of make-up artists and the 'oh-so-organized' people with the earpieces and clipboards.

Alice was beaming. Her chart was getting TV coverage, her outfit had already been complimented twice and hell, she would be meeting Ellen Degeneres, one of the people on her celebrity 'to do' list.

Shane on the other hand... was mortified.

The sudden change from Alice's mini, to a bright dressing room with make-up artists were fussing about what would look best in the light was unnerving. And the hair stylists.. Well they were just plain infuriating.

"I like whet you've done Miss McCetcheon, reyley I do, but as a professional, I have a feeling if we bring it up a bit and show a bit of yer' face then ye'll be very tv-genic indeyed." His voice resembled that of a suffocating duck.

"No. Just leave it. It's fine." Shane clamped her mouth shut in order to restrain herself from biting the man's head off.

_'Touch my hair one more fucking time, and I swear…'_

She subconsciously gave the over-enthused stylist a blunt 'Fuck Off' stare, and she figured it worked when he looked over and pre-occupied himself with Alice's blonde curls.

She quickly excused herself to the bathroom and was suddenly grateful for the silence in the shabby white-tiled bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and tried to calm down.

"Come on man. Just chill, don't fuck this up for Al. You won't have to say much, it'll be fine. Its about Alice. It's alright. Just go with it…"

She put her head in her hands and whispered to herself,  
_'Desee que usted estuviera aquí.'_

She had told her she wanted to learn Spanish. And she did, in fact she was surprised at how quickly she picked it up. Maybe she was a natural linguist, or, maybe because it made her feel closer to her.

Well, it didn't really matter now did it.

_"Live in 10 minutes people"_ the loudspeaker message filled the bathroom.

She ran her hands through her hair and took a deep breath.

"Fuck it."

She took one last glance at herself, wiped away the tears that were forming in the corner of her eyes, pushed the bathroom door open and left.

The bathroom door swung in and out at least three times before slowing down to closing completely. The middle cubicle lock slowly slid from the rusty red 'Engaged' lock, to the equally rusty, green 'Vacant' sign.

The cubicle door was slowly opened as a small buzz of radio interference echoed in the bathroom, followed by a nasal voice from a walkie-talkie.

"10 minutes till go time. Whats you're 20?"

Click.

"Uh... Just finishing my break, on my way up"

Click.

"Okay. Hey could you pick up another two sets up the extension cords from electrics maintenance?"

Click.

"Mhm.. Yeah. Sure, right away."

Click.

"Thanks Carmen."

The radio buzzing was cut off and the room was silent again.

Carmen leant against the cubicle door and tried to take in what had just happened.

Three-hundred and sixty-one days of forgetting _her_, down the drain. Three-hundred and sixty-one days of hating _her_ wasted.

It had taken Carmen de la pica Morales nearly a year to bring herself together again, and it had taken her less than a minute to fall in love with Shane McCutcheon all over again.

She stared up at the ceiling and clenched her fists.

'Shit.'


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey there you are! Wow isn't this cool??" Alice was as bright as ever, watching the stage hands set up the all-too-famous Ellen Degeneres Show set.

Shane wasn't paying attention, the recent flood of memories that she had a few minutes ago still had a hold of her. She blinked a couple times and brought herself back to reality.

'_Pull yourself together for fuck's sake.' _

She put her hands deep into her pockets and smiled up at Alice,

"Yeah, this is pretty cool Al"

Alice smiled warmly back at her and put a hand on her shoulder,

"See, told you you'd thank me later… and holy crap, there's Ellen."

Shane followed Alice's open-mouthed gaze and there standing a few yards away from them, was Ellen Degeneres. Shane felt Alice's grip on her shoulder tighten.

"Al."

Alice was staring, oblivious to the fact that she was slowly cutting off the blood to Shane's right arm.

"ALICE!"

"Huh? Oh right, yeah sorry." Alice quickly let go and turned back to the dressing rooms.

"Where you going?"

"I wanna check my hair's okay…wait right there." Alice rushed off back into the rooms.

Shane took a seat a chair by the stage and slowly began to drift away in her thoughts.

'_You're not living your life, Shane.'_

'Whoa. Why are you thinking about this? What are you doing??'

'_And if you don't take any risks...'_

'What are you doing?! Stop! Why think of this now? After so long of forgetting it all huh?! You can't change anything, so you might as well forget it!'

Her mental argument was suddenly interrupted,

"Hello?"

Shane eyes suddenly opened as she sat up in her seat.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to wake you there. Just thought I should introduce myself, I'm Ellen." She held her hand out, and Shane cleared her throat and shook it, "So you must be, Alice?"

"Oh, no no, I'm Shane. I'm Alice's friend."

"I'm Alice. Hi"

Shane turned around to find Alice leaning against her seat, with her make-up re-applied, and her hair freshly done.

"Awesome. Pleasure to meet you Alice."

"Oh no, no, pleasure's all mine. Seriously I'm a huge fan of the show."

"Great, well I hope you enjoy being on it!"

'EVERYONE PLACES PLEASE. LIVE IN 1.' The same booming voice came from the loudspeakers and Alice followed Ellen eagerly onto the set, dragging a not-so-eager Shane with her.

--

Off set, everyone was silent. 10 minutes into the show and the audience were already at the mercy of Alice and The Chart.

Carmen pushed open the backstage doors quietly with two electric cables in her hand. She walked over to a balding man with a clipboard and handed them to him.

"Hey thanks Carmen." He whispered. His breath reeked of coffee and stale doughnuts.

"Uhum" She walked off hurriedly in order to prevent herself from hurling.

She was thankful to get away from the stench and took a seat by the side of the stage and looked up onto the set.

She hadn't realized how much she missed being around everyone. Alice was her usual self, optimistic and comedic, getting laughs from the audience from talking about a simple thing like her website. Carmen moved her gaze onto Shane, and then looked down at the floor.

_Damnit. Don't look at her. _

But she couldn't help herself.

Shane sat there listening intently to the conversation, and smiling and nodding in the right places. So far so good.

"So Shane, what's your part in all of this?"

_Crap._

"Uhm. Well, I didn't really have anything to do with making it"

"Yes- but you do use the chart; you are online in a constellation of your own am I right?"

"Uhm, Yeah, sure"

"So. Tell me about it; has it helped you find love?"

Alice laughed nervously, and gave Shane an apologetic look.

"Uhm, I don't know, I guess it depends on the circumstance, and being online and all-"

"Well, anything's possible. I sure have ogled at my computer screen many a time", the audience buzzed with laughter, and to this the host winked nonchalantly. "So, just out of interest, as a user of the Chart, what is your opinion on people dating online through a social network?"

Carmen watched intently as Shane sat up and began to talk, she tell she was uncomfortable.

"People can date who they like. Uh, I don't think it's none of anyone else's business how they go about doing it."

"Hear hear. What about you, does the Chart ever influence your love life at all? I mean, I'm sure many people out there are looking for love. Do you recommend the chart as a short cut? What are your thoughts on the concept of love?"

The audience fell silent, and Shane felt her palms start to sweat.

"All, I can say is that, once people find love, no matter how hard, or stressful, or scary the situation- They should, uh, never let it go. It's one of those things that's rare between people, and if,", she hesistated,

Carmen was now on her feet by the camera man and watching the screen, holding her breath.

_What are you doing to yourself Carmen?_

"…and if you don't take risks, then, you might as well be dead."

Carmen suddenly felt a rush of anger and her eyes fill with salty tears, and stared past the monitor and looked straight at her, the woman who ripped her heart out and left her to fix it on her own.

Ellen announced for a commercial and the studio was soon filled with casual chatter.

Alice bit her lip and looked into the audience, who looked adoringly at the set, enjoying themselves. Her eyes cast down to the camera crew. Shane looked at her watch, how much longer?

"Oh my God."

Shane looked at Alice,

"What?"

Shane looked to the side of the stage at the camera crew and her heart skipped a beat.

Carmen froze as her eyes locked onto Shane's.

What on earth would she do now.


	4. Chapter 4

The sounds of the crowds faded out; suddenly it was just the two of them in the room. Nothing else mattered.

_Fuck. Say something, go over to her. Wait. Would she want that? What if she hates you? But, God, just do SOMETHING!_

After what felt like an eternity Carmen looked down at the floor and held back the tears. She shook her head, then turned and hurriedly left through the main doors.

Shane stared at the place she was standing. She couldn't move, as If someone had bound her hands and feet, keeping her on the chair.

"What the fuck Shane?" Alice nudged her elbow, jolting her back into the studio, the room filled with people and the sound of constant chatter.

"You're just gonna let her walk out?!"

"But. The show?"

Alice raised her eyebrows,

"Are you kidding me?! If you're still on this damn set in 10 seconds, I swear I'm gonna have to kick your fucking ass out the door myself."

Shane looked at Alice taken aback then started to smile,

"Don't just sit there smiling! Fuckin go!"

_She's right. _

Shane jumped up out of her seat and was running out the door, she turned back and shouted,

"Thankyou!"

"Yeah… you owe me one." Alice muttered as she sat back down in her seat and smiled.

Shane burst through the doors and found herself out on the street where Alice's mini was parked.

"Carmen?" She called out hoping she would hear her soft voice answer her call.

She ran out onto the pavement and looked around frantically; she looked up and down the street hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Nothing.

"Damnit!" She screamed and her anger out on the wall. She slumped down and put her head in her now bleeding hands.

_You stupid fuck! You let her go! You let her get away!_

She felt something rush through her veins, she suddenly felt awake, something inside her head had sparked and she wanted it, no- she needed it. She didn't know if it was anger, or passion, or love. But who cares?

All she knew was that she wanted to be with her, she wanted to feel her skin against hers; she wanted to feel her lips against hers, feel her breath on her cheek, and hear her voice in her ear.

She didn't want to back alone to her empty apartment, to spend another night on her damn couch. She didn't want someone else in their bed anymore, she didn't want anyone else, but her.

_God. My head is killing me-_

"You're a fucking idiot you know that?"

Shane looked up and saw Carmen leaning against the wall next to her. She scrambled to her feet, and was taken aback at how beautiful she was. She hadn't changed a bit.

All her anger had suddenly gone, her hands didn't hurt anymore, and the she had already forgotten about the headache she felt a second ago.

Carmen grabbed Shane's hands, pulled at her sleeve and used it to wipe off the blood dribbling down from her knuckles. Shane was surprised at how calm and composed Carmen was, and then realized she hadn't said a single word to her yet.

"…Carmen, I-"

After she had wiped up the blood, Carmen let go of her hands and now stood there with her arms folded.

"You what Shane? Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

Carmen scoffed, unimpressed.

"Wow. Gee, you're sorry? Oh God, okay, you know what. I suddenly feel better. I could go fucking skipping in the park, now I know that you're sorry."

Shane had so much to say to her, but didn't know where to start,

_Tell her you love her, tell her that you made a mistake.  
No, no, wait, she'll definitely slap you for that._

"I, I don't know what to say"

A car pulled up alongside and beeped its horn twice. Carmen must've called her cousins to pick her up.

"Then don't say a damn thing Shane" Carmen turned to walk to the car,

"No, wait!" Shane grabbed her arm and pulled her back to face her.

_Either she slaps you or you never see her again._

"Please don't leave. I want to talk," Carmen was about to protest, but Shane interrupted her,  
"I know I fucked us up, and I know you and your family probably hate me. And I don't blame you, I even hate myself for doing what I did to you." she hesitated,

_Don't run away again._

"But, damnit, I miss you so fucking much." Shane was shaking with nerves as she bit her lip and waited for a response. Carmen looked at her sympathetically and tried to ignore her puppy dog pout.

_Control yourself Carmen. She broke your heart.._

"Shane, don't-"

"No, let me finish. I ran away because I was scared of you. Y-you make me feel…weak. Whenever I look at you, I fall in love all over again. You are the only person who can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time, and, when you're not there, I don't feel it. I don't feel anything, and I need that feeling, and I, I can't live without it Carmen,"

Tears started running down Carmen's face and she looked down to the floor, Shane brought her hand up and gently wiped them away, and looked in her eyes,

"…I-, I can't live without you."

Carmen looked at her with wide eyes

_Damnit Shane… _

The car door opened and a man stepped out,

"Carmen is she bothering you?" he said threateningly over the loud noise of noon traffic.

Carmen snapped out of it and pulled Shane's hands down from her face, and more tears ran down the side of her face.

"Shane, I can't, it-it's too hard," She turned and walked towards the car.

Shane went to go after her, but she was stopped by the man, who she immediately recognized.

"She doesn't want to talk to you man, so leave, NOW." Luis spat out, and although he was only the same height as her he managed to look down at her, as if she was no better than dirt on the bottom of his shoe.

"No, look wait. Luis let me just-", Shane was stopped abruptly by his fist, she spun round, her face suddenly stung, and she heard Carmen shout at her cousin in Spanish,

"Loco joda! Qué el infierno hace usted?"

"What! She's deserves it. Carmen how can you like this piece of shit! After what she did to you!"

Shane stood up and thought about retaliating, but then she figured they evidently hated her enough as it is.

_Don't hit him back…don't hit him back…_

"Hey. Don't talk to her like tha-"

SMACK.

Another hit. Shane spat out blood.

"Don't tell me how to talk to her bitch"

_Okay._

Hit him back.

Shane swung her fist and him and hit his jaw, and with a loud crunch he spun back through with the punch.

_FUCK. Son of a –_

Shane turned round and cradled her hand, which had started bleeding again.

"Luis leave it! Let's go! Nosotros vaya!" Carmen's cousin called from the driver's seat. Luis didn't listen. He was up on his face and about to kick Shane down from the back, when Carmen grabbed his arm.

"Enough!" She shouted, but he ignored her and pushed her back off him.

_Too_ hard.

Shane turned around and saw Carmen fall back and trip into the road.

Carmen looked up, her vision was blurred, and all she could her was the traffic noise, that and brakes screeching. She looked up and gasped as her eyes focused and saw the blur of a red SUV skidding her way at 40mph. She was paralyzed with fear.

In her mind, everything went silent.

She looked at the driver who was holding onto the wheel desperately trying to steer it away from her direction. She held her breath and closed her eyes.

Shane pushed Luis and out of the way and ran towards the road, the screeching of the SUV made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on end.

_Don't think._

"Carmen, move!" Shane ran towards her, pulled her up and shoved her out of the way. She turned around and didn't even have enough time to think. It had already gone black.

Carmen fell onto the pavement and behind her heard a loud crash as the screeching finished. Followed by what sounded like a body hitting the floor.


	5. Chapter 5

Carmen was drumming her fingers impatiently against the counter. She looked at her watch: 3:56.

She had been waiting by the reception for over an hour and still no word on Shane. They were rushed in on the same ambulance but separated off in different rooms. After they had cleaned up a few scratches on her arm, she had been trying to see Shane. She had no idea what shape Shane was in.

She didn't know whether she was still allowed to be pissed at her anymore, half of her wanted to be, the other half was praying to God that she was okay. This time yesterday, she wouldn't dare dreaming of being in the same building as Shane, let alone talking to her.

For almost a year she had thought nothing but bad thoughts for Shane. Several times she had hoped that she would get her hair shaved in her sleep during one of her drunken fiascos, or wake up in the middle of nowhere with no clothes or even have an insane rodent problem at wax. But now it all just seemed petty and irrelevant, since the only thing Carmen wanted right now was to see Shane walk out in one piece, with that goofball grin that made her go weak in the knees every time making her feel like a love struck teenager all over again.

But who was she kidding? She was far from angry at her, as much as she tried to stay angry, it was practically impossible. After today's events she was 99.8 per cent sure that she was in love with her again, and 122 per cent sure that she had never really stopped loving her. It just took one hell of a day for her to realize.

The accident had happened so fast, and it was hard to take it all in. One minute she was in front of the car, next thing, she wasn't. Shane had had saved her life, and risked her own at the same time. Wow. This had to mean something right? Carmen started to pace in front of the reception desk. Should she take her back? Could she trust her? She definitely wanted to, that's for sure. Actually, there were many things she wanted to do to Shane at the moment; strangle her, yell at her, hug her, and kiss her.

_Oh God this is so fucked up._

"Miss Morales?"

Carmen's head suddenly shot up and she rushed towards the young doctor,

"Is she okay??"

"She is in a stable condition. There was no internal bleeding or damage to the head so that's good…Some of her ribs are bruised, but with no severe damage to the ribcage or spinal cord itself. Her left leg is broken, but we've in the process of getting a cast ready for her. Other than a few more cuts and bruises, she's in a stable condition. In other words Miss Morales, she is fine. And might I add, very lucky considering the circumstances, very lucky indeed."

Carmen let out a sigh of relief.

"Can I see her?"

"Sure, she's in room A02. She's just resting at the minute. I'll come back later to let you know if we'll need her to stay overnight."

"Thanks"

She rushed past him through the doors and walked along the corridor reading the room numbers as she went by,

_A07, A06, A05, A04, _

She felt butterflies in her stomach,

_A03… _

And took a deep breath.

_A02._

She looked through the square window in the door and saw Shane there asleep. She pushed the door open and walked in, the steady beeping of the heart monitor and Shane's light breathing were the only sounds in the room. Shane had a fist-shaped bruise on her cheek and a small cut on her lip and her knuckles were bandaged. Carmen lightly put her hand over Shane's. Her skin was warm to the touch, and immediately it sent electric shivers down Carmen's spine.

Shane's eyes slowly opened and moved her hand and held onto Carmen's. Carmen sat on the edge of the bed next to Shane and smiled as Shane flashed a strained smile at her.

"Hey you" whispered Carmen. Carmen's eyes shone with tears as she felt the sudden burst of butterflies in her stomach, and had to resist the urge to jump onto her.

"Hi" Shane managed to croak back,

"You're crazy sometimes, you know that?" Carmen said smiling, gently nudging Shane's arm.

Shane smirked, then looked seriously at Carmen and cleared her throat,

"Carmen, listen, I'm sorry for everyth-" she was silenced by Carmen's finger against her lips,

"Ssh.. Not now, you need to rest." She moved a strand of stray hair that was across Shane's eyes, "Alice is at home bringing you a change of clothes, but I'll be here."

Shane looked at Carmen, still aware that she had a hold of her hand, and pursed her lips anxiously. She hadn't felt this good in a long time.

Sure, whenever she moved, it felt like a thousand paper cuts, but who cares? She didn't. She was holding _her_ hand again. It was all worth it.

"Thankyou"

Shane brought Carmen's hand up to her mouth and kissed it lightly. This was definitely a risk, but hell, Carmen wouldn't slap her in this condition would she.

Carmen let go of Shane's hand and Shane, suddenly embarrassed, regretted her action for a second. Just a second.

Carmen slowly lifted Shane's chin up, then leant in and kissed her lips. Their taste of Carmen's lips sent Shane's mind through a whirlwind. Shane hungrily kissed her back and Carmen responded the same. All the time they had spent apart that past year seemed to disappear in that one kiss. It's all in the kiss, so they say.

Carmen pulled away and smiled, biting her lip

"You're welcome"

Shane smirked,

"You tease"


	6. Chapter 6

_2 WEEKS LATER_

Shane was hobbling around the the kitchen.

She had just about gotten used to crutches but they were still an insane inconvienience.

She opened up the fridge and got a beer out, then paused and put it back in. She decided to go for something healthier for a change. Why?

'Cause she felt like it.

And the idea of developing a beer belly wasn't appealing in the least.

She attempted to bend down and get into the cupboard under the sink - and was failing. She could only reach down so far then her leg would just get in the way. She used her crutch to open the cupboard door, then tried to reach down and grab the blender on the bottom shelf.

"Shane? What's with all the clanging?" Alice called from the living room

Shane ignored her. She was beginning to get frustrated and she tried again. No such luck.

_Who's fuckin genius idea was it to invent low cabinets anyway.._

Alice walked into the kitchen and raised an eyebrow at Shane's odd position and scary facial expression and cleared her throat.

"Uh.. What are you doing?"

Shane ignored her again and grabbed onto the tabletop above the cupboard to try and reach lower.

"Here, let me help"

"NO! I can do it!" She sounded more aggressive than she had intended. But she hated the idea of not being able to get something as simple as a blender without someones help.

Alice sighed and put her hands on her hips as she watched Shane reach down awkwardly and grimace as she leant on her crutch to get lean closer. She clenched her teeth as her fingers streched and grasped the handle of the blender. She breathed out and stood back up and pushed her crutch against the cupboard door to close it.

Shane remained silent as she went to the fridge and took out a juice carton.

Alice leaned on the counter and looked at her friend.

"...You heard from Carmen yet?"

"Nope" Shane replied quickly, as she hobbled around her and began to throw pieces of fruit into the blender.

Alice knew that tone. It was the _'don't-wanna-talk-about-it-and-let-you-know-I-care'_ tone.

"Look. Just give her time... I mean you said she kissed you right?"

Shane looked at Alice about to argue, but then she stopped and shook her head and turned on the blender.

If she was completely honest, she was scared to think about it. She didn't know what to expect, after all it was Carmen.

Whether to get her hopes up, or learn to deal and let it go. It seemed to be going so well, and after the accident and everything, she thought they'd be able to start over, simple as.

_Ah.. who are you kidding._

Of course it wasn't going to be simple. She couldn't believe she was stupid enough to think Carmen would come running to her just like that. What she did to her in Canada was unforgivable, how could she expect Carmen to want her, or to even love her after that.

As the fruit spiralled round in the blender, her mind went back to the day at the hospital.

The kiss was,

...mind blowing.

And a complete shock on her part, but that kiss sealed the deal for Shane. She was whipped. She didn't _want_ anyone else- she wouldn't _have_ anyone else.

She'd take on an SUV all over again just to feel her soft lips again.

_Man she smelt good._

She once again mentally kicked herself repeatedly for leaving Carmen in the first place.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. If you hadn't been such a fucking coward you'd both be happy now._

Alice rolled her eyes as she waited for the loud whirring to stop. Shane flipped the switch up and poured out the smoothie into two glasses.

She passed a glass to Alice and forced a smile. Alice smiled back and felt sorry for Shane.

Yeah, she made bad choices, but with good intentions. She's only human.

She had to figure out a way to sort Shane and Carmen out.

Shane sighed and stared at the floor as she took a sip from her glass.

_Regrets sting like a bitch_

* * *

_2 WEEKS AGO_

Shane was smiling like a goofball and had completely forgotten about any pain she was feeling, the lethal smell of disinfectent or even the fact that she was wearing possibly the most uncomfortable dressing gown possible. She cleared her throat,

"So-"

She was interuppted by a knock at the door. A nurse entered and gave an apologetic smile, she had sensed that she was intruding on a 'moment'.

"Sorry to interupt. Miss Morales, a telephone call for you at the front desk"

Shane sighed and shook her head, as Carmen smirked and stood up. "I'll be back" and leant down and kissed her on the forehead.

The nurse led Carmen to the telephone, Carmen smiled and mouthed a, "Thanks" as she lifted the reciever.

"Hello?"

"Carmen! Are you okay?"

Carmen rolled her eyes,

"Yes Mami, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?.."

"Mom. I'm FINE. seriously, nothing more than a few cuts and bruises"

"That isn't what I'm talking about Carmen"

Carmen became silent, she didn't need this type of talk from her mother right now.She knew what she was going to say and she didn't want to hear any of it.

"Mother please. I dont wan't to talk about that right now"

"Carmencita. You know I like Chane, but I cannot bear to see my mija go through that again. I just want you to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into."

"Carmen, I just don't want you to get hurt again."

"..I know."

"Be careful mija."

The dial tone echoed through the reciever and she placed the phone down back on the reception counter.

She felt her heart beat harder in her chest. Her mind was suddenly a broken record, replaying memories over and over again.

_"No, wait. I don't want you to go... _

I miss the way you smell..."

Her heart was slowly being torn apart,  
_  
"You're the first person I want to make that promise to... _

Would you marry me?..."

again,

_"Am I really trying to marry the most unobtainable person in the world? _

...She's not proud of this. It's just who she is."

and again,

_"...I love you"_

and again.

"Miss, are you okay?"

Carmen felt a hand on her shoulder and and she realised that there were tears rolling down her face.

"Yeah, I'm okay"

The nurse wasn't convinced,

"Are you sure?"

She wiped away the tears and laughed nervously to herself

"Mhm. I'm fine. Thankyou."

She looked towards the hallway leading to Shane's room, and then at the Hospital entrance.

A blue mini screeched to a halt in front of the doors and a very panicky Alice stumbled through the automatic doors, carrying a bag full of clothes. Carmen turned around and picked up a magazine from the reception and pretended to read it.

"Hi, Shane McCutcheon? NO no no! I'M not Shane, where IS Shane McCutcheon?? Okay. A02. Right. Gotcha. Okay."

Alice rushed past Carmen and through the doors leading to the patient rooms. Carmen heard a disant,

"You crazy bitch! Thank fuck you're okay.."

Alice's voice soon faded, and Carmen put the magazine back down and walked out of the hospital


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** It has been long overdue I know. I've got the story finished in the next few chapters, so I'll upload the next after a few days and the same after that...and so on. I'm really sorry for leaving you hanging. But thanks for reading, even if it has been a long while.

* * *

"Think Alice, think!"

Alice was tapping her fingers furiously on her laptop.

She had been sat in this exact position for over an hour now and still had no luck in finding Shane's runaway Latina.

The Ourchart profile search was up, and _yes_, she had found Carmen's profile, but obviously, nothing changed on it – no new address, no new number. Last Login.. well over a year ago.

Great. Where is she??

Alice felt like an investigator, a detective; Alice Piezecki, Detective by day… Lesbian Superhero by night.

She shook off her daydream.

"Come on… _focus_."

On her desk sat next to her were stacks of paper – all the work that she HAD to do later on, unless she wanted to be out of a job. However, for the time being, she felt that finding Carmen was far more important.

Her best friend needed her. And quite frankly, she was sick of the dyke drama between the two, so she figured, if they can't do it right, then _Private Detective Piezecki_ may as well step in and do it for them. And in any case, she knew full well that if she were in Shane's position – being that lifeless and… vacant? Then well, Shane would be there to help her out too.

Alice didn't exactly, agree or approve of what Shane did in Canada, she doubted that anyone else did either, but she knew her, and from Shane's point of view, she had convinced herself she was doing the right thing in the long run.

Alice sighed in defeat of another failed search and her mind wandered back to when the two were together and a small, but sad smile grew on her face.

_FLASHBACK_

It had been three days after Dana's death, and Alice, Shane and Carmen were lying out in the sun in the nearby park. They hardly ever went there of course. Never had the time. But nowadays, the Planet always seemed too crowded and right now, they just wanted peace and quiet. Since Dana died, the atmosphere had become sluggish and grey, as if they were travelling through in slow motion, while everyone else was in real-time. They were the resident slo-mo's.

Alice was lying in the grass with shades on and her eyes closed, next to her, Shane sat against a tree, with Carmen lying next to her with her head in Shane's lap.

They'd taken three cups of decaf to go and walked silently to the park. None of them knew how long they had been there and honestly, they didn't care.

Shane was staring straight ahead – not at anything in particular, just lost in a stare, in auto-pilot. Her hand was subconsciously playing with strands of Carmen's dark hair, delicately entwining and unravelling her fingers again and again.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

She said, thinking aloud and breaking the calm silence. Alice acknowledged with a soft grunt. A few seconds later the sentence seemed to register in her head and she pulled off her glasses and turned to look at Shane with a dazed look.

"Wait, what? Who??"

Shane looked at Alice with her eyebrows raised.

"Kit. …No Al. Who do you _think_ I mean??" She nodded her head down to Carmen, to make sure the message was clear enough. Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Okay, okay, figures. But, Shane – are you serious?"

Shane smiled to herself and looked down at her girlfriend, sleeping peacefully for once – she hadn't thrown her a weak punch at her in over an hour.

This girl had made her want to be different. She had made her think differently about things, made her want to try and reassure herself that she was good enough for someone so strong. They weren't always happy, sure. Hell, sometimes they were woman's scorn personified, multiplied by twenty. But even so, Shane knew that if Carmen wasn't such a challenge, such a pain in the ass – she'd be bored out of her mind.

She also knew that this was the first time that she was in a proper no-other-girlfriends-boyfriends-husbands-wives relationship. Carmen was hers. And she was Carmen's. And she loved it.

"Yeah," she said, tucking a last strand behind Carmen's ear, before resting her arm around her side.

"I am."

* * *

Alice was punching in the keys on her laptop again, this time doing a whole network search for one Carmen De La Pica Morales.

The search bar was filling up slowly, before clearing, then repeating itself numerous times. After the 7th fill it came to a pause and flashed on a window;

One Match.

Alice curiously clicked onto the profile.

"Holy Fuckin' Shit." Her eyes widened as she read out the number of 'star's' in this certain girl's constellation.

"One-thousand-five-hundred-and-tw-three?? Ohhh well this is gonna be interesting…" Alice smiled to herself as wrote down the name, number and address of this seemingly popular person. She read the details over to herself again and shook her head smiling. This was definitely something fucked up. The person had more hits than Shane, and what's more, they both had another interest common denominator; Carmen.

Alice shut her laptop and grabbed her keys and cell and read the note again, dialing in the number as she walked out of her apartment.

"Well well. Time to meet you '_Papi._'"


End file.
